My Ordinary Life: Never in a million years

I was born in Đà Nẵng, Central Vietnam, but grew up in Phước Tuy, more colloquially known as Bà rịa, a sleepy town further south neighboring its more glamorous beach-city cousin, Vũng Tàu. My hometown was so small, everybody who lived there knew everybody else! When I took the entrance exam to enter the only public high school in town (the school system in Vietnam was quite different than in the U.S.... students had to compete to gain admission to public schools, and anyone who didn't make it would have to attend private school at their parents' expense), most of the names I saw posted on the Passed list were those I knew from grade school.

The nice thing about growing up in a small town is that you're bound to be spoiled by its inhabitants, who are invariably friendly, kind, and accessible. I had a childhood that was as secure and peaceful as anyone could, living in a war-torn country.

If fate had not sent my family among the exodus of refugees fleeing Saigon at the end of April 1975 when the Communist North overtook South Vietnam, I might have grown up, gotten married, and remained in PhướcTuy forever. The tragedy referred to by many Vietnamese as Black April had transplanted us in far-flung corners of the world, but during my 37+ years in the U.S., I've not met a single person from my high school class, even after attending several reunions and living next to the heart of Little Saigon, widely considered a mecca of Vietnamese expats.

http://vnafmamn.com/black_april4.html

http://eponine44.blogspot.com/2011/01/our-family-fashion-show.html

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Since joining Facebook, I'd never accepted a Friend Request from someone I wasn't already acquainted with IRL. I wouldn't even add a Friend of a Friend without prior established communications. It seemed the entire point of social networking was lost on me, but privacy concerns and a few encounters with misappropriated identities have increased my natural guardedness, and I've come to worry less about appearing snobby or rude than being spied on by lookiloos. For a long while, the number of faces on my Friends list had remained steady at just under thirty.

I recently received a Friend Request sent from a woman's profile with barely anything on her Info. page... not even a geographical location... so I couldn't tell whether she was a total stranger or someone with whom I had a passing acquaintance that just slipped my mind. In my customary wary mode, I put off making a decision until I could gather a better mental note after re-viewing her profile. Weeks could have gone by without me taking any action, but something in the woman's countenance tugged at my intuition. Her albums consistently showed her with a young girl that looked to be her own daughter, and she had enough friends and established activities on her Wall that assured me hers couldn't be a fake profile. She still didn't strike me as someone I'd come across IRL, but for the first time, I thought it wouldn't hurt to befriend someone you didn't know.

Lo and behold, I received this note (written in Vietnamese) almost instantly:

"Chị Trang, hồi trước VN chị ở đâu? Em có người bạn thời thơ ấu tên là Nguyễn thị Tịnh Trang, trước 1975 ở Phước Tuy( Bà rịa). Bị thất lạc lâu lắm rồi, nhưng em vẫn nhớ và cố gắng đi tìm.

Em không nghĩ người đó là chị, nhưng rất được hân hạnh làm bạn với chị trên fb. Blogs của chị dễ thương, cảm động và sâu sắc.

Cám ơn chị đã accept my Friend Request.

Vanessa"

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She wrote that she wasn't sure if I was the childhood friend she's been looking for; but the fact that she'd referred to my hometown by its nickname in her email, coupled with my Vietnamese name being rather uncommon, had me convinced it was too much of a coincidence. Problem was I couldn't guess who she was with an overwhelming degree of confidence (even though she had a resemblance to one of my friends in particular), and it seemed awkward asking what her Vietnamese name was to confirm my suspicion, so I decided to play safe and toss out a few names of my close friends from elementary to high school in my reply email, taking care to include that of the one I thought might be her.

Vanessa turned out to be her younger sister, so I didn't feel entirely clueless!

My friend, Tư, soon emailed me from Calgary, where she has lived for the past 10 years. She is married to a Canadian and has a 37 year-old stepdaughter. Her memory is incredible... she'd recounted in vivid details what we did together through grade school and high school, some of which turned out to be slightly embarrassing to me! :)

I wrote back in several installments:

1.

"It's really me! I couldn't believe it either. I used to live in Seattle, Washington, and we would sometimes cross the border to visit Canada. Never in a million years did I think you'd end up there.

My whole family had relocated to Orange County, California, for many years. My youngest sister remained in Seattle. Three of us are still single (chị Như Ý, Đạt, and An); two are divorced (me and Quyên), and Thạnh has been married for > 7 years with a three year-old daughter, Gisele. We're still a close-knit family that enjoys singing and performing together.

Please send photos! You can see all of us in this email. I wonder if you'd have trouble recognizing who's who.

T.Trang"

2.

"Dear Tư,

I'm happy to know you're doing well, and able to enjoy a relaxed lifestyle.

Looking forward to reading your book and all about you! If you let me know your pen name and the book's title, I will search for it and buy it online.

I could not remember as much about my childhood as you'd described, but the details have certainly brought back precious memories.

You have been far too complimentary about my looks. The pictures I sent were not that old (within 1 - 4 years), but I've tried to come up with more recent and representative photos in this email.

I've been divorced for almost 3 years now... separated for 6. My ex and I live in separate homes in the same neighborhood within a minute's walking distance to make it easier on our children. My eldest daughter, Audrey (Tịnh-Giang), is a second-year student at FIDM (Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising) in Los Angeles. My second daughter, Andrea (Duyên-Thi), will be entering UC Berkeley next fall. I have a son (Kiệt) currently attending high school as a freshman and another daughter (Lauren or Thảo-Nguyên) in the 7th grade. We live in Tustin, a slightly suburban enclave in Orange County, California.

My parents live 10 minutes away in a small senior apartment complex. I get to see them everyday... they're a big help with my kids.

I'm sure you'll have more questions than I can answer each time you receive a new batch of photos! :)

T.Trang

PS. The baby you saw me holding in the pic sent with my previous email is my younger brother (Đức Thạnh)'s. Her name is Gisele. She is now 3 years old."

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I shared Tư's photos with my older sister, Terra, who'd gone to school with me in the same grade (I skipped a grade in elementary school and we've always been together since, so all of our friends from school happened to be mutual friends), and Terra agreed she could still recognize Tư's features although it's been almost four decades since we last saw each other.